After being in a relationship for 3 1/2 years, the first post breakup date (PBD) was pretty daunting.
I am so grateful having people in my life that want to set me up. I believe that most set ups come out of "Hey, I know a 30 something single guy, and you are a 30 something single woman, so it will be perfect!" Most set ups don't work, but I love meeting new people and I won't turn down a free dinner or drink.
My first PBD was a set up with a 27 year old teacher...yes, that's right, 27. I was told he was super fun, high energy and a really good guy. Off to a good start. So, the difference I noticed right away...planning a date with someone who is 10 years younger than me is a technological process. I might be old fashioned, but I expected a phone call. What I got instead was a series of emails and text messages. So, we set up the date, or should I say I set up the date for after work drinks and tapas. Again, I am going to sound like an old lady, but if you ask someone out, you should plan the date. I ended up planning everything and emailing directions, etc.
The day of the date, I was looking forward to having a good time and good conversation. I am very punctual, but made myself hold back and show up almost 10 minutes after our meeting time. He wasn't there yet. I waited and about 5 minutes later, I get a text asking me where we are meeting and where he should park. Really? I blew that off, because I hadn't even met the guy yet.
When he got to the restaurant, he seemed nice and as my friend Amy put it (she was having happy hour at the same place), he was very clean. I won't go down the path that he was wearing shorts on a 40 degree day in May...fashion can be changed very easily on a man.
Everything started off well. He was high energy and really nice. So we went down the whole getting to know you path. Conversation was good, we had some similar interests and some major differences, but overall I was having fun.
Then came the ex questions...now, I will point out that this guy knew that I was just out of a long term relationship and he knew he was my first PBD. I tried to deflect as many questions as possible, but he just kept going. So, I started talking...and then I started crying. Not good. Not good at all. It was hard. Just when I was having fun and hadn't thought about my ex at all, the whole night ended up being about my ex.
On my way home, I pulled myself together and realized that I had done it. I had made it through one date. Although, it was not love at first sight and I did end up crying...I had completed my first PBD.
Step one for me was realizing I had a love I lost, but that I would be ok. It might take time and many more failed dates, but I would find love again. That is why the date a month club is so important to me...It pushed me out of my pity party and made me see there are guys out there. Plenty of guys out there.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
The Beginnings
Many years ago as a 20 something single in Chicago, I was frustrated by the lack of dating I was doing. I have never been into the whole Internet dating thing, but I wanted to figure out a way to push myself when it comes to dating.
So, I came up with the concept of a club where friends would hold one another accountable on going out on at least 1 date a month. The only rule, you have to have "potential" interest in your date. No going out with your GBF (gay best friend) or your cousin and calling it a date. Seven of us started the club and by the year's end, I was the only single one left. All of my friends had gotten married, engaged or were living with someone.
Lesson learned: BE OPEN MINDED! My friends told me time after time that they would have never gone out with the person who turned out to be their soul mate if it weren't for the Date A Month Club.
Now, my experience was different...let's just say I met a lot (A LOT) of frogs. But at the end of the day, I had a blast. From a professional sky diver to a guy with a foot fetish, learned a lot about myself and the type of person I was looking for.
Fast forward...I have found myself single again after a three and a half year relationship. I still don't get the Internet dating world, but I believe there is someone out there for me.
This is my journey. I have laughed a lot and cried a little...I hope to share the laughter with you and inspire people to take risks when it comes to love.
So, I came up with the concept of a club where friends would hold one another accountable on going out on at least 1 date a month. The only rule, you have to have "potential" interest in your date. No going out with your GBF (gay best friend) or your cousin and calling it a date. Seven of us started the club and by the year's end, I was the only single one left. All of my friends had gotten married, engaged or were living with someone.
Lesson learned: BE OPEN MINDED! My friends told me time after time that they would have never gone out with the person who turned out to be their soul mate if it weren't for the Date A Month Club.
Now, my experience was different...let's just say I met a lot (A LOT) of frogs. But at the end of the day, I had a blast. From a professional sky diver to a guy with a foot fetish, learned a lot about myself and the type of person I was looking for.
Fast forward...I have found myself single again after a three and a half year relationship. I still don't get the Internet dating world, but I believe there is someone out there for me.
This is my journey. I have laughed a lot and cried a little...I hope to share the laughter with you and inspire people to take risks when it comes to love.
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